Everyone faces challenges. Most people are dealing with a lot of them right now. It would serve us well to remember that.
It's so easy to be frustrated or angry with someone who isn't being as kind as we would like. Maybe we could expand our patience a bit. Things are hard for almost everyone.
I'm going to call it a decision, rather than a struggle. The decision is real because when I woke up this morning, the first thing I saw was this draft (for Instagram) that I had planned on posting today:
Within seconds, I also saw the news. Trump supporters had rolled into Portland, instigating violence and antagonizing others with paint guns and bear mace. One of them had been killed. The president tweeted sympathies. (Stop.) He has displayed a complete LACK of sympathy for COUNTLESS others killed while peaceful protesters have been demonized, abused and murdered as well. NOW there is a sympathy tweet? "HOW DARE YOU?" - was the most polite thought that came to mind. How dare you use someone's death to feign concern, then hide behind that facade when those you ignore and oppress are rightfully enraged by your complete BULL. Meanwhile, scores of spin doctors go to work propagating false narratives designed to take advantage of our basic human frailties and desires to lash out and blame someone. They turn Truth inside out and have people fighting AGAINST their own values!
I maintain that our actions and our mindset are choices we make. THEY do not have to be a struggle. We can choose to act with positive energy, self care, happiness, kindness, understanding and Love. This DOES NOT mean we need to be silent or complicit about any of the issues we are passionate about.
We can fight hard and also adjust the level of our personal emotions to whatever degree we choose or can tolerate. We know our own breaking point. Let's keep the gauge within the realm of survival, and stand strong. Our interiors need strength in order to make "good trouble" externally.
I posted my original "sunshine" post. NO ONE is going to stop me from spreading Love.
Thus fortified, my eyes open wider to injustice and deliberate deception. It absolutely disgusts me to see opportunists selling what I call "fake empowerment." How on earth any person or group of people can manage to take their hate and craving for power and supremacy, repackage it in the form of self-righteousness and Christian values, then capitalize on people's fear, frustration and sometimes ignorance, is almost beyond comprehension. As sickening as this is, we can not allow it to make US sick.
Nourish yourself - then fight like hell. Stand in your truth and stand in Love. Find strength in positivity and happiness. Follow joy. Don't be afraid to glow. SHINE ON. Don't get lost in it. Feed on it. Balance. Then take that strength and...
Those who seem to be trying to hold down your spirit can only do so with your permission. Don't let them. No one is in control of that except you. People who deliberately seek to take another's power are only making a fool's statement about their own insecurity.
Now:
With Love and Kindness in your heart, go take some action that will make you feel useful, helpful, and a positive influence on this society and world, remembering that we are all one family and our mission here is to increase Love.
We work together.
We are Divine.
"Action without vision is only passing time, vision without action is merely day dreaming, but vision with action can change the world."
Time to take a long hard look at ourselves - because we are supposed to take the log out of our own eye before addressing the speck in our friend's.
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."
Matthew 7:3-5
The truth is we can do better.
Conversations that are long overdue are now taking place. Will we say something stupid? (Probably.) Will we give another person the opportunity to judge us? (YES!) Are we experts on a subject before we start to open our mouths? (Not usually.) Would we pounce on someone else's lack of expertise if they got something incorrect? (Just nod your head yes here and wonder when I'm going to shut up because I already made this point.)
Alright. But we have to be committed enough to walk this path anyway. We have the ability to change our own minds. We have the ability to learn. We can reject our own habitual responses and grow into something new and better.
We are about to change the world.
We are going to be more kind toward each other. We are going to be more understanding. We are going to listen and learn. We are going to take that one extra step. We're going to unearth a new level of truth within. Someone will reach out a hand when we stumble and we'll do the same for another. We are going to be courageous together. We are going to build.
"Justice never comes when you only do what's comfortable and convenient. Change never comes, oppression never ends, equality never prevails. You have to be willing to raise the issues, to challenge the systems that don't educate people about the history honestly."
- Bryan Stevenson, Equal Justice Initiative
"We have been practicing silence about our history for a very long time. In this country we don't talk about slavery, we don't talk about lynching, we don't talk about segregation. We have a hard time talking about race and it has burdened us. We don't think it's odd that we don't talk about this history. We actually think it's odd when somebody tries to talk about it. We react to the effort of trying to talk about it as if THAT's the threat, not our continued silence."
"Go Girl! GO!"
An elder neighbor stood in her front doorway, held up her coffee cup and cheered me on. It was everything.
I didn't feel like running that day. I had to force myself. I was just going through the motions trying to keep up with a routine. With a genuine smile and a wave back, I picked up my pace. Soon enough, I had completed my big loop and was on my way home, thinking about how nice it had been for her to spur me on like that.
"You made it! YAY!"
Before I knew it, there she was again, welcoming me back to the block. How wonderful!
I know we all know this... but what a lovely reminder it was that the simplest gesture of kindness can change the whole course of someone's day. That little act of encouragement truly made my whole week! Let's just keep it going and spread the Love a bit.
If you have any song suggestions, please comment or message.
I'll start posting these as single posts as well, so forgive me if you see these more than once. If you're on TikTok (oh please go on TikTok, it's so much fun!), we'd love to be friends there too!
Here's wishing and praying for all of us to be a little better at kindness, understanding and Love in the weeks to come. People deal with stress and anxiety in so many different ways. A little compassion could go such a long way for others and might be there for us too, just when we need it the most.
We're OK. May that be the first thing you hear from loved ones as the next few weeks go by.
We went from new school protocols, to no school. From playground, to no contact with other children - not even the ones next door. From relatively normal life - to this.
As is the case for most of the world, life is changing by the minute.
Now we are heroes for keeping distance from each other, for following guidelines that require our mastery of the mundane within the walls at home.
There's a litany of things we can NOT do, but what about the things that we can? We can appreciate time together with our children. We can understand that we are all in this together. We can learn more. We can seek out positivity and do our part to promote it. We can call someone who is alone or elderly and keep them company by our conversation. We can put differences aside. We can act in a way that lifts others up and that brings us together in spirit. We can find new ways to have fun. We can do a lot to show each other love and respect.
Here's wishing health and happiness... and for the peace and comfort that comes from knowing that there are great depths of Love, Kindness, Understanding and Strength within us all.
I'm torn. I want to tell you all about how I flew to Las Vegas and had a fantastic time performing with Rick James's Original Stone City Band. The problem is that this earthly world lost my sweet, Great Aunt Josephine and the legendary Aretha Franklin this week as well.
Just back from my travels last night, I came to the coffee shop to sit and write this today. First I looked up funeral arrangements. Aunt Josephine's funeral was this morning and I'm sorry to say I missed it.
An Angel Feather at Rehearsal
I think I'll wait until next week to share the show details with you. Right now - I'm going to have some quiet time and reflection.
A tremendous "thank you" to all of those who came before us and helped guide our path. May we pass on the kindness and inspiration with Love and appreciation.
Sometimes an interesting picture appears before my eyes and I just need to stop and photograph it. ;)
It was a busy week. Family coming and going and cantor duties at church had every minute of my time filled. Gratefully, I received help and guidance from kind people all week. It's funny how I've spent years in Catholic school, attended Mass countless times, and sung at plenty of weddings and funerals but was never actually cantor before. There was a lot to remember and learn, but I believe it went well. Everyone who shared their time and experience with me is GREATLY appreciated. It's a wonderful feeling to be surrounded by the good-hearted nature of others. My sincere thanks...
Here's wishing everyone a beautiful week and a very Happy Easter and Passover!
I may do this every year. This list is a work in progress. Time is short (isn't everyone's?) and we have a lot of stuff to do. I have my own thoughts and a very limited amount of time to research, so this is it for this year. There's no shortage of information online though. There are holiday survival guides for every aspect of life, so if there's something specific you're looking for (one dish meals, pet safety, beauty, house cleaning, etc.) you can do a search. As for this list, I've just taken some time out to remind myself about the things that might be helpful as I try to improve this holiday game a little bit each time around.
Started this blog in the store parking lot. Let the shopping begin!
1. Breathe.
Seems simple enough, but I slept in today. I had to. I didn't make it to the gym. I didn't get everything done that I wanted to. I'm not going to feel guilty about that. I needed sleep - end of story. I'm going to approach the season with that mindset. Everything will not get done. That's ok.
2. Get a game plan.
This is no time to wander about aimlessly. I need a list of things to do in order to make the most efficient use of time.
3. Be prepared to abandon the plan.
Life happens. Expect the unexpected and go with the flow. Precious moments can pass us by if we're not prepared to stop and take it all in. Zach said "baby" today. If I was too wrapped up in a plan of accomplishment and not paying attention, I might have missed it. It might not have happened at all if we hadn't taken the opportunity to FaceTime with Mimi (who taught him to say it).
Gotta take a break. He wants me to read him a book.
4. Remain guilt free.
I am going to miss some stuff. I can't be everywhere at all times. There's no room for second guessing and feeling bad about anything. Make a decision and stick with it - or don't - but either way DO NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT. Nobody and nothing is perfect. Enjoy the ride.
5. Be kind.
This seems obvious but today in the store parking lot, a man stopped me as I was driving past. He indicated to me that he was about to pull away and I could take his spot. How nice was that!!! Kindness goes a long way. Let's be a part of the holiday joy and spread the love by being kind to each other. We're all in the same boat here. Let's smile.
6. It doesn't have to be expensive.
One of my favorite go-to stories about this is a childhood memory. An Aunt and Uncle had to "talk" to me. It sounded serious. They explained that money was tight that year and they couldn't afford to get me much. "This is all we could get you..." They proceeded to hand me a plastic cup filled with chocolates. I remember thinking, "WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT? THIS IS THE BEST GIFT EVER!" I never forgot that. People on your list appreciate you thinking of them. The gift doesn't have to be extravagant.
7. Wear a cross body bag.
This is no time to fool around. Everything has to be hands free. C'mon, get serious. Being preoccupied with looking cute will not do. (Wearing heels is OUT OF THE QUESTION. I just don't understand that at all.) That being said, put on a little lip gloss. I feel more confident and am more likely to make friendly connections with people when I feel at least a little bit put together. But can we NOT wear pajamas to the mall please? I mean, let's not get carried away. Strike a balance.
8. Drink water.
Hydration is a must - it ranks right up there with eating and getting enough sleep. This is a marathon. Start drinking enough water. As an added benefit, it may make you feel less hungry and less likely to pig out on unhealthy, desperate snack-age. Also, we'll need to drink plenty of water with any headache medication we may need to take - lol. Seriously though, it doesn't matter if we need to take extra time to find a restroom. Just do it. Drink the water.
9. Don't over-complicate anything.
I'm always trying to do something extra and add on other tasks. Do something, then check it off the list. Done. Keep it moving and steady as she goes.
10. Enjoy the ride.
I know I already said it, but it's an important one. Laugh at any and every chance. Spread the smiles. 'Tis the season - enjoy. If I feel the stress coming on and things get frantic... I'll try to let it go. Let's just be happy. Amen.
The grocery store check out clerk seemed tired and on auto-pilot. When Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer came on, I exclaimed, "Rudolph! Here we go!" as I loaded my items onto the conveyor belt. He smiled and continued smiling until I was rolling away and the lady behind me stepped up to the pin pad.
OK. That's all I got. The kid just fell asleep. That means I have to also. xo
The standout moment I keep coming back to is when I found out someone I know is terminally ill. I had no idea. She spoke of it candidly. I must have seemed at a loss for words. I was.
The human spirit is amazing. Most of us try not to think of our own ending. Those who are forced to and do it with grace and bravery beyond measure, leave an unforgettable, inspirational mark on our hearts.
I am reminded to always be kind. We never know what challenges our brothers and sisters are facing. I am reminded to be grateful. The silly things we complain about are mostly petty. I am reminded that we are all the same. We all come into this world and we will all leave it one day. I am reminded that we should live in a way of which we can be proud. How we journey through our short time on this earth is everything.
Then there was this story of an extraordinary Santa visit... (Warning: You may cry.)
On Saturday's gig, Joe had the audience members take each other's hands and hold them in the air as he spoke of unity and the power we all hold to make a difference in the world. I just love the people I work with.
Joe, Me, Russ at the gig
So as the trees go up and the Christmas lights come out, I'll remember that we can all make a difference to someone by our actions and kind words. We never know what they might mean to someone.
God Bless Us - Every One. (A Christmas Carol reference)
It's a "non-fruiting," ornamental, pink cascading, weeping peach tree. Yet there it stands, with fruit all over its branches reminding me that all things are possible.
Then the message at church on Sunday was all about being kind. More specifically, we were reminded to be kind to ourselves. Often when we are young, we may be told not to be selfish, to be kind to others, to think of others. What if we started each day with a reminder to be kind to ourselves? What if we changed our whole concept of what we might think of as "selfish," and started calling it "being kind to ourselves"?
The minister's lecture reminded me of a conversation I once had with a friend who was dealing with some health issues. He said that he had to learn how to be more selfish. (Huh?) He meant that he had to spend more time taking care of himself. Once I understood his meaning, I replied that I didn't think of that as being selfish. I don't think of that as being selfish at all. We actually argued over that.
It's not always easy to change our minds about something.
Here's the plan for this week:
1. Be kind to self and others.
2. Remember that anything is possible.
3. Keep an open mind while staying on the lookout for other "reminders."
This week, and throughout the Holiday Season this year, I'll remember the gifts of spending time with those I love, speaking kind words, the simple touch of a handshake or a hug, little gifts that show you've been thinking of someone, and acts of kindness.
As we all bustle through crowded stores, search for parking spots, wrap, cook and travel around trying to get everything done, I pray we all have those peaceful moments. May we all pause and take in some seasonal magic. Maybe we'll see a beautifully decorated house or shimmering tree. Maybe we'll notice childlike innocence with a great sense of adoration. We'll celebrate family and love. We'll enjoy delicious home-cooked meals and marvel at the abundance we've worked hard to create all year. Then hopefully, we'll share that feeling of warmth by reaching out to one another. Little things can mean so much. I'll do my best to think of others and what would make them happy.
Last week began with a tree climbing adventure with Russ. It ended with a story about Buddha. Somehow, it all ties together in a way that makes perfect sense.
On Monday, we ventured into the trees on aerial obstacle courses. Our successful journey involved balance, strength, and conquering fear.
At the end of the week, I was asked to embark on another adventure of sorts. I was specifically asked to enter a potentially challenging situation and to meet any negativity with grace and love. It felt as if I was being tested, both mentally and spiritually, to see if I was able to take the "high road."
That journey also required balance, inner strength, and the complete abolition of fear. I became determined to simply stay on a course of positive energy, remaining focused and impervious to any outside influence. Mission accomplished.
The next day a friend of mine shared a story he knew about Buddha. I've since found several variations online. It goes something like this:
Buddha, having gained many followers at the time, encountered one specific traveler who seemed to be determined to make him angry. The man shouted offensive remarks, insulting Buddha and dishonoring him in front of his followers. Buddha remained calm and unruffled. He returned only kindness and love to the traveler. This continued for several days until finally the rude man asked Buddha why, after days of ridicule and verbal abuse was he still nothing but kind to him.
Buddha replied with a question: If someone gives you a gift and you do not accept it, to whom does it belong?
The point is that if someone is mean to you, or gives you the "gift" of rudeness, you do not have to accept it. Then the gift still belongs to the giver. We do not have to upset ourselves or stress out when others give us unwelcome gifts. We can simply choose not to accept them. No one has the power to anger or upset us unless we allow them to. That choice remains ours and we are empowered by it.
What gifts are we accepting from others? What gifts are we giving others?
I am reminded that there are all kinds of adventures and challenges in this life. Just as there are those of a physical nature, there are those of a mental and spiritual nature as well. We can embark on each of them with a sense of balance, strength and Love. If we choose to strive for balance, strength and Love in the face of all challenges, we'll be doing pretty good.
Namaste,
T
xoxo
P.S.
It occurs to me that sometimes the most loving thing to do, is love ourselves enough to remove ourselves from harmful situations. Blessed journey...
