I was disappointed when Russ had to work early on Sunday. I had been planning on going to church and looking forward to it after my Saturday plans had completely fallen apart. If you read my last blog, you're familiar with my routine and understand why the thought of taking "little man" out to church by myself was so daunting, I didn't even consider it as an option. It was my mother who suggested I take him after I complained about not being able to go.
I hadn't attempted to take him out by myself yet. There are the dogs to take outside and get settled beforehand. There is the fact I have to carry him and the car seat down the stairs (I am currently in physical therapy for an abdominal condition/injury as a result of pregnancy), and the idea of getting myself, him, and the diaper bag ready all at once is pretty overwhelming.
I'd have to sit near the back of the church. I'd have to sit on the end. I'd have to get there early and be prepared to get up and leave quickly if he started screaming (he does that sometimes when he's wet).
I managed to shower, dress, change him, dress him and get the dogs squared away. I checked the time. There was 15 minutes left to get to the church - away we went.
He started to fuss in the car when we were still a block away and I said out loud, "This is not a good sign. We're not even there yet." I started to sing:
"Gets me to the church on time,
(church on time) terrifies me
(church on time) makes me party
(church on time) puts my trust in God and man..." (From David Bowie's Modern Love)
He settled down and we even got there in time! To my amazement he sat quietly all the way through the mass (even after the Gospel when I knew he had dirtied his diaper). The priest Blessed him when I brought him up to communion with me.
I had been fairly self conscious the whole time. I didn't notice any other infants there. It was a new church I'd only been to a few times. Maybe they didn't bring babies here. No one seemed to be giving me odd looks. I didn't want to shake hands during the Sign of Peace because I had to keep my hands sanitized in order to keep putting his pacifier back in his mouth and the lady behind me kept coughing. What would people think of me when I just nodded and said "Peace be with you" instead of extending my hand? He was seated in his carseat in the aisle next to me and I wondered if people would judge me for that. Maybe there was some section for children that I was clearly not in. The funny thing is that the Gospel and Homily were all about not judging a book by its cover. (Smile) The priest told this story about an Indian king who was snubbed at a Rolls Royce dealership while dressed in plain clothes and his reaction, and he encouraged us all to better manage our blindspots:
After mass, a lady came up to me and asked if I needed a ride home. I said, "No, that's ok - we drove." She said she had noticed the baby all bundled up and that I had a backpack and thought I might have walked. I explained, "No, it's just the first time that I'm bringing him anywhere by myself and so I brought everything." She smiled. She had three boys of her own and by the third one, she "only brought the bare minimum of essentials." Too funny! I was all worried about what people would think, the Homily's message was all about not judging, and the nice lady asked if I needed a ride.
It's true. We all do it. What if instead of judging, we ask questions (like the nice lady after church). What if we get to know other instead of just going with our assumptions?
OK. Will do.
Namaste,
T
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