Church on Time

I was disappointed when Russ had to work early on Sunday. I had been planning on going to church and looking forward to it after my Saturday plans had completely fallen apart. If you read my last blog, you're familiar with my routine and understand why the thought of taking "little man" out to church by myself was so daunting, I didn't even consider it as an option. It was my mother who suggested I take him after I complained about not being able to go.

I hadn't attempted to take him out by myself yet. There are the dogs to take outside and get settled beforehand. There is the fact I have to carry him and the car seat down the stairs (I am currently in physical therapy for an abdominal condition/injury as a result of pregnancy), and the idea of getting myself, him, and the diaper bag ready all at once is pretty overwhelming.

I'd have to sit near the back of the church. I'd have to sit on the end. I'd have to get there early and be prepared to get up and leave quickly if he started screaming (he does that sometimes when he's wet).
I managed to shower, dress, change him, dress him and get the dogs squared away. I checked the time.  There was 15 minutes left to get to the church - away we went.

He started to fuss in the car when we were still a block away and I said out loud, "This is not a good sign. We're not even there yet." I started to sing:

"Gets me to the church on time, 

(church on time) terrifies me

(church on time) makes me party

(church on time) puts my trust in God and man..." (From David Bowie's Modern Love)

He settled down and we even got there in time! To my amazement he sat quietly all the way through the mass (even after the Gospel when I knew he had dirtied his diaper). The priest Blessed him when I brought him up to communion with me.

I had been fairly self conscious the whole time. I didn't notice any other infants there. It was a new church I'd only been to a few times. Maybe they didn't bring babies here. No one seemed to be giving me odd looks. I didn't want to shake hands during the Sign of Peace because I had to keep my hands sanitized in order to keep putting his pacifier back in his mouth and the lady behind me kept coughing. What would people think of me when I just nodded and said "Peace be with you" instead of extending my hand? He was seated in his carseat in the aisle next to me and I wondered if people would judge me for that. Maybe there was some section for children that I was clearly not in. The funny thing is that the Gospel and Homily were all about not judging a book by its cover. (Smile) The priest told this story about an Indian king who was snubbed at a Rolls Royce dealership while dressed in plain clothes and his reaction, and he encouraged us all to better manage our blindspots:

Click here for story: "Indian King Snubbed at Rolls Royce..."

After mass, a lady came up to me and asked if I needed a ride home. I said, "No, that's ok - we drove." She said she had noticed the baby all bundled up and that I had a backpack and thought I might have walked. I explained, "No, it's just the first time that I'm bringing him anywhere by myself and so I brought everything." She smiled. She had three boys of her own and by the third one, she "only brought the bare minimum of essentials." Too funny! I was all worried about what people would think, the Homily's message was all about not judging, and the nice lady asked if I needed a ride.

It's true. We all do it. What if instead of judging, we ask questions (like the nice lady after church). What if we get to know other instead of just going with our assumptions?

OK. Will do.

Namaste, 

T

SAD IS BAD... So Don't Ever Do It... (Really?)

SAD IS BAD.  So don't ever do it.

(Is she for real?)  

NO!!!  As I once heard Alan Arkin say, “I’m an actor.  I exaggerate.”

OK – here’s the deal this week… for whatever reason (I’m sure a combination of winter doldrums, stress, hormones and/or any one of the million life circumstances that currently surround me including a probable lack of vitamin D) this was a sort of melancholy week.  So what?

So I found myself wanting to post things like this…

“Disappointments are just God’s way of saying 

‘I’ve got something better’ 

Be Patient… Live Life… Have Faith.”

 –Lanette Sem

Accompanied by my own caption…

“Sitting here by the window, 

as I listen to the birds chirp from outside, 

for a moment… 

I thought I heard… 

Spring.  

And as I write a sad song, I’m reminded that 

the Promise awaits.”

I never posted it. 

Why?  I was afraid people would think I was sad and worry about me and then ask a ton of questions about it and then worry some more and then seem to be appeased but silently think that there was SOMETHING WRONG with me and somehow judge me for it. 

WHAT!??  Why?  Why is it not okay to feel a little blue sometimes?  Should we feel sad, then add guilt to the mix for feeling that way in the first place?  Silly.  How about if we just squish down our emotions into the deep recesses of our core and deny their existence until they finally manifest themselves in the form of an ulcer or some other ailment?  Is it just me, or is this equally as ridiculous?

I’m reminded of my studies in acting.  My favorite teacher impressed upon us that a lot of people go through life suppressing their emotions. This is understandably so a lot of the time.  We can't always go around spouting off whatever it is we feel at any given moment.  I mean, what if you told your boss how you REALLY feel at all times?  What if you never self-edit your emotions to your relatives, significant others or even random strangers?  (Remember that movie “Liar, Liar”?)  How many times have we heard, “Suck it up” or “Don’t let them see you cry” or tried to hide our true emotions for fear of what others might think – or been told we “shouldn't” feel a particular way?

My acting teacher then reminded us of one of the main reasons why we go to the movies, the theater or concerts.  Oftentimes, it's because it is OKAY TO FEEL there in those environments.  At the theater or at the concert hall, it is socially acceptable to FEEL.  We need that emotional release.  This is one major reason why the work that actors, musicians, writers, and artists do is so important – and why music and art in schools is invaluable.

Click here for “Music Is Art” – a not for profit organization in Buffalo, NY founded by Robby Takac of the Goo Goo Dolls. “MiA explores and reshapes music's cultural, social and educational impact on our community.” One of the many things they do is collect and donate instruments to area schools in need.

I am NOT SAYING it's okay to try and deal with serious or intense emotions or depression on your own – nor do I intend to make light of them.  Furthermore, if you think you or someone you know is depressed, you or they should seek professional medical attention.  (Sorry if this seems obvious.)

Click here for WebMD's “6 Common Depression Traps to Avoid”

I AM saying that there’s nothing wrong with allowing ourselves to genuinely feel an emotion.  Emotions inform us and guide us intuitively.  I say feel them.  Allow them.  Listen to them.  And what about understanding when someone else feels them?

As for me?  I listened to a couple of sad songs and cried a little, wrote one of my own, searched for (and found) some uplifting inspiration, talked to some friends, got on with the business of life, played with the dogs, went to church and feel better now.  :)

Also, I found this:

“Are you troubled and sad? I beseech you

Come out of the shadows of strife –

Come out in the sun while I teach you

The secret of life.

Come out of the world -

Come above it –

Up over its crosses and graves,

Though the green earth is fair and I love it,

We must love it as masters not slaves.”

- Ella Wheeler Wilcox

OK, I get it...  Don't be a slave to the sadness or troubles of this world...

OF COURSE NOT!  Now THAT really would be bad.

Namaste!

Much Love,

T

xoxo