I don't need encouragement, validation, pats on the back or anything like that. I just want to tell the truth. I was weary. I'd had enough, was completely worn out and felt like my composure was slipping. There were simply too many things to do and not enough time or nearly enough sleep. I ran into a friend to whom I immediately began spewing out my exasperation. She said I needed a break. I disagreed. "What I NEED, is to get my work done." I was seriously stressed.
I headed home and started racing around like a maniac trying to get a thousand things done in the time it would normally take to do only ten things. After a while I noticed the clock (5:39pm). Evening service would start at 6pm and I had just enough time to get there.
("But all the unfinished work," my brain chided me.) I flipped a coin.
(Heads, so off to church I went.)
I arrived just before 6pm and noticed that a whole series of texts mysteriously vanished from my phone as if to say, "forget all about this."
(Alright.) During the meditation I thought I might fall apart. I felt tears well up in my eyes as I just sat there quietly and tried to "get in tune with my heart" as the minister instructed. My heart had HAD it. I was running on empty and my heart felt it.
Amazingly and almost instantly I realized an answer.
(I didn't even know I had a question!) I was not at the mercy of circumstance. It didn't matter how little time I had or what curve balls came at me. I was not powerless. I would get through. I just knew it. I was certain.
It sounds simple enough, but that little quiet break was exactly what I needed. It really only took a few minutes. I stayed for the whole service anyway, but after five minutes or so of meditation I was good.
So I guess my friend was right. I'm glad I ran into her. I'm grateful for her instruction and for the logistical ability to take that break. It truly did wonders.
Namaste,
T
