Monday, January 30, 2012

I Make Plans, Carnegie Hall Laughs

Can you believe this?  I am being mocked by Carnegie Hall.

Have I ever told you all about the unpredictability of life as a musician/artist?  J  (I feel like that’s all I ever talk about sometimes.)  Oftentimes, I live in a whole world of crazy.  Last year, I relocated four times for various projects' beginnings and endings.  Why should this year be any different?

As preparations are underway for the cross-country trek for this year’s L.A. activities, I am going crazy making lists, making plans and trying to get it together.  It feels kind of like planning a wedding with a thousand things that you never thought you had to think about and every task leads to at least five other tasks that have to be done first.  Everything requires an immediate decision and again, before you make one, there are five more that have to be made first.  Am I driving or flying?  Are the dogs coming?  If the dogs are coming then I’ll have to drive, right?  Will Russ drive too or will he fly?  Won’t we need both cars out there?  Which car will I drive?  Will someone drive with me?  Who can I get to come with me if not Russ?  Can we even find an apartment, that allows the dogs, that we can also afford?  (Are you getting the picture here?)  Should I leave on Monday?  Oops, I am due for a doctor’s appointment and they only have an opening on Tuesday.  Will I have to pick up my other passenger in Buffalo?  Should we leave from there?  Well, that’s a big “if” anyway.  (Now are you getting the picture?)  I haven’t even begun to describe the packing process!  What to pack and what to ship?  Do I have any boxes? 

So I FINALLY think that we have established the date on which I will be traveling, THEN the phone rings and I hear:

            “What’s the fastest way to Carnegie Hall?”
            “Huh?  Did you dial the right number?  This is Tanya.”
            “I know.  What’s the fastest way to Carnegie Hall?”
            “Oh.  Is this a riddle?  Okay, I don’t know.  What?”
            “Answer ‘yes’ to my next question… Are you available Wednesday and Thursday?” 
            “GAW!  I was going to… um… uh… I guess I need the money.  (Oops, was that out loud!?)  Yes, I am available.”
           
I soon realized how ungrateful I sounded when presented with the opportunity to sing (as a background vocalist for Ray Chew's band) at Carnegie Hall!!!  What is WRONG with me?!  I had better call back and apologize!  GEESH!!!



This is EXACTLY why we only had two weeks to plan our wedding and why it is so difficult for me to commit to any kind of plan whatsoever.  THIS is why I have to just show up on friends' doorsteps at Christmas time for visits.  This is why I am always calling people at the last minute to see if they can get together “like now.”  J  So my plans got changed.  That’s okay.  This is my life.  I mean, why should I expect anything different? 

I have to go now.  I have to get to the bank, then the pet store, then Kinko's, the grocery store, post office, the other pet store, Target, the car wash, my in-laws, back home, Goodwill, the Transfer Station, dry cleaners, the doctor’s office, Buffalo and everything else on my list – unless something changes.

Xoxo!


Monday, January 23, 2012

Clean Sweep: Not Just for "Hoarders"



Packing for Idol last year...


Nothing makes me want to clean up the house more than watching an episode of “Hoarders.”  It motivates me to leap off the couch and start sorting everything in sight.  Bills will be paid, files will be put away and things will be donated and thrown out.  I can scan a room and organize spaces – seeing what can be better arranged or eliminated.  After that, it’s just a matter of following through with the work of actually doing it.

Other clutter is not so easily cleared away.  While looking for a quote on persistence last week, I came across this one from Steve Jobs:

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.  Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking.  Don’t let the noise of other people’s opinions drown out your own inner voice.  And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.  They somehow already know what you truly want to become.  Everything else is secondary.

WELL ALRIGHTY THEN!  This is worth listening to!  Here’s the thing though – it is not so easy.  I think to do this effectively requires some quiet time.  There are times when it would be tempting to make a decision – just to prove someone else’s opinion wrong.  On the other hand, there are times when someone whom we know cares about us and whose views we greatly respect – and even ask for –  gives us an opinion that confuses us because it just doesn’t seem right.  How about when we like an opinion simply because it represents an easy way to handle something when we know the right thing to do is different?  Wait… this is the “noise” he was talking about, isn’t it.

“In a moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing to do.  The worst thing you can do is nothing.”
-       Theodore Roosevelt

Let’s not get lost here.  All the self-help books seem to have a section on meditation, reflection, journaling or some other type of quiet time.  Writing the album was a great exercise in freedom for me.  In order to write it we had to sit there and listen to our inner thoughts – be aware of the things that motivated us.  Then we wrote about those things.  I loved it!  The whole process represents amazing freedom of thought.  The end quote that appears in the CD booklet encapsulates the idea:

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique.  And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost.  The world will not have it.  It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions.  It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open.  You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work.  You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you.  Keep the channel open… No artist is pleased.  [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time.  There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive…”
-       Martha Graham

Fine.  As I continue to clean up and clear out things, in preparation for the next chapter of my life, I’ll try to listen to myself more.  Decisions have to be made.  Let’s get a move on it.

The world awaits...

photo by Danielle Graham


Monday, January 16, 2012

Confident Persistence vs Needy Stalker: When is it OK?


Ahhhh... the comfort of it all.  The knowing.  Oh happy day.

Not on purpose - I was just making scrambled eggs.


Do you think I’m nuts yet?  Okay, see what had happened was….

I called my favorite teacher – my acting teacher who I had not spoken to in years.  He is one of my most favorite people in the world and my favorite teacher of all time.  First I sent an email.  I literally jumped up and down when I got his response back inviting me to call.  We spoke just before the holidays and he suggested I call back the first week in January so we could set a time to get together.

I called the first Monday after New Year's and wondered how long I should wait before trying again.   As the days passed without a response, I started to agonize over it.  I debated with myself.  On one hand, I didn’t want to bother him.  He is a very busy man doing very important things and I am just a former student from years ago who reached out for help with auditioning techniques and updating and perfecting some monologues.  He’ll call when he can, I told myself.  On the other hand, he was always so encouraging about calling him and keeping in touch.  He would appreciate me following up and calling again.  He is one of those amazing gifted teachers who surpasses the lessons themselves in his teaching and ends up guiding his students through life-changing revelations that inspire them forever.  He would WANT me to be persistent.  He would appreciate my spirit and be proud.  Yet still, in my heart there was the terror of the possibility of offending him with my neediness.  This is my acting teacher and a DAMN good one at that.  He has the ability to look into my soul and see what I am feeling.  I remembered how nervous I was when I first went to meet him all those years ago.  I had been absolutely terrified and he assured me that it was because of the importance that I had placed on that meeting.  He was THE best and I so wanted him to teach me.  He did.  Russell and I both were fortunate enough to take private classes with him for a couple of years.  I let the week pass and decided to call again the following week.

I left another message for him the following Tuesday (Monday turned out to be too hectic of a day).  He called back that afternoon.  J J J  After discussing schedules and objectives, we set a tentative reconnect that weekend.

Before we hung up though, he said, “You know Tanya, you have to be more aggressive with me.  It took you way too long to call back the second time.  This is your art form for God's sake!”  J J J  I laughed out loud before replying, “I was hoping you would say that.”



This business of music and entertainment is full of challenges and disappointments – as is life and business everywhere.  Here especially though there is auditioning and rejection aplenty.  I like to believe that the only person who is truly capable of making you fail is yourself – when you quit.

I’m not going to stalk my teachers or casting directors or agents (I could go on and on here - and am pretty sure that stalking is never OK) but I am glad to be reminded of the value of persistence – especially by someone who cares.  (Launching into song…“Can you feel the love tonight…” - IDK just felt like it OK?)

“Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence.  Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent.  Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.  Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.  Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.”
-       Calvin Coolidge

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.”
-       Confucius


Monday, January 9, 2012

Ten Tips for Coping with Taxes












“The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.” 
                         - Albert Einstein

Here we go again… why do I NEVER enter receipts throughout the year as I am supposed to? 

My plan was to do a “top ten” list of cute funny things – that might also work – to help get through tax time.  Not only could I not come up with anything, but internet searches didn’t yield much.  I did find some stress coping techniques (both positive and negative) and some funny quotes… but I would ACTUALLY like to get through this business of taxes so I am encouraging any advice (both serious and for fun).  I have been chipping away at this tax stuff all week though, and finally managed to come up with a few things I found helpful for myself.


“The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.” 
                         
- Will Rogers 

Among the “positive” coping techniques I found online were Yoga, guided imagery and positive self talk (whatever THAT is).  The “negative” coping strategies included substance abuse, denial and self blame.  (Let's not resort to going there okay?)


“The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government.” 
                         
- Barry Goldwater 

Here’s what I’ve personally found to be helpful:

1.)  Partner up.  It is way more fun when you’re not alone.  Russ has been working on his paperwork too this week – and I feel like I’ve done a lot more than I would have on my own.

2.)  Practice gratitude.  I am reminded that I have to pay income tax because I am Blessed enough to have an income.


“Nothing hurts more than having to pay an income tax, unless it is not having to pay an income tax.” 
                         
- Thomas Robert Dewar

3.)  Stretch.  This is right in line with the Yoga thing.  I haven’t done yoga yet this tax season, but my back is killing me and Russ keeps yelling at me to stretch more.  It does help.

4.)  Sit in a comfy chair.  I’ve heard that one with armrests can take 20% of the weight off of your back.

5.)  Play the “Reward” game.  I like to set myself up with a reward for accomplishing a task.  The only trouble is in finding a reward that’s not detrimental.  I’m saving the root beer float for the big day when all is done.  :)

6.)  Alternate tasks.  I find it much less monotonous and much more manageable to switch tasks and keep the “to do” piles small.  Take one bite at a time.  I like to sort some papers, then enter some receipts, then file some things, then back to another pile of receipts.

7.)  Mini Spa – I am sooooo going to do this.  It’s two, two, two things in one!  It's a reward, and it’s like yoga and meditation.  A hot bath (this was my grandmother’s cure for everything), a pedicure, some aromatherapy candles all sound good to me.

8.)  Plod onward.  One of the biggest motivations I have is knowing that the sooner I get all of this done, the sooner I don't have to do it anymore.

9.)  Wind down.  An end-of-the-day routine helps relax and cue my body for bedtime.  Routinely reading a book, playing a video game, watching a program, or drinking a cup of tea helps to turn it all off and get some well deserved rest before picking it all up again tomorrow.

10.)  Find a way to make it more fun.  Turn on some fun music, take a break to find some funny tax quotes, use a fun novelty pen, talk to yourself out loud in some quirky accent – anything to take the edge off and smile.  Life is too short.


“How much money did you make last year? Mail it in.” [Suggested simplified tax form] 
                         
- Stanton Delaplane 

Please leave a comment with your tips for coping with taxes.  I can’t wait to hear!

Much Love,

T


“Did you ever notice that when you put the words ‘The’ and ‘IRS’ together, it spells ‘THEIRS?’” 
                         
- Author Unknown 

Monday, January 2, 2012

Yes We Can... Can't We?


One of the things I got for Christmas is a little wall plaque that says “Yes We Can.”  It was given to me because apparently I’ve been saying “I can’t” quite a bit lately.  Sometimes I say it when I just refuse to deal with something that I feel like I shouldn’t have to deal with anyway. 

The truth is that sometimes we are all faced with circumstances that seem unfair.  Sometimes also, the truth is that no matter how much I want to, and sometimes do say “I can’t,” the reality is that I must.



I will leave you with two things…

One is my song, “Let It Roll.”  Please listen to the lyrics.  It is about holding on to faith when we are faced with challenges.  When we wrote the song, we inserted the chorus into the middle of the verses.  The first part of each verse is the problem at hand.  Then the chorus about holding on to our faith comes and the listener has to literally “let it roll” to hear the outcome of the problem.  We are then faced with a new challenge in verse two and must have faith and “let things roll” again.  I find it encouraging to journey through the lyrics.


The second thing I’d like to share is a video clip from Oprah’s Master Class.  I know she has the right attitude.  I know that what she says is true. 


I do believe that we are always EXACTLY where we are supposed to be.  There are many lessons to be learned and challenges to face.  There are obstacles to overcome and battles to be won.  It’s not always fun and certainly not always fair.   Sometimes it downright sucks.  If ever there is a time when “I can’t” though, rest assured it is temporary.  Perhaps for a while I won’t, but I most definitely can and most likely will.

Thanks for the gift – and for the reminder.

:) xoxo


Monday, December 26, 2011

Bentley's Letter: A Dog's "Thank You"


Hi All!  Happy Holidays!  Usually I write these blogs myself, but Bentley's letter was so cute (he asked me to check it for spelling mistakes),  I just wanted to share...  Bentley is the dog that ran out into the road and stopped directly in front of our car while we were en route to the finale of "American Idol" earlier this year.  We ultimately adopted him from the shelter in South L.A.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Dear All the Nice People at the South L.A. Animal Shelter,

Hi.  My name is Bentley, but you wouldn’t know me by that name.  I myself didn’t even know it was my name until recently.  They call me other names too you see, and so it was a little confusing at first.  Even now I sometimes answer to “good boy,” “Bent,” “hi cutie,” and “puppy.”  I know now though, that the name is Bentley.  She has a mirror in the bedroom and I saw it printed on my nametag.   Anyway, you would have known me as “Lab/Shar Pei mix” followed by a bunch of numbers that I do not remember.



I wanted to drop you a line to let you know how things are going.  You all seemed so excited when they came and visited me.  I’ll never forget when you moved me to another room and rang a bell yelling, “Adoption!”  I didn’t really understand what it meant at the time.  It was scary at first.  After I went to that new room I traveled to a scary place that smelled like medicine and I got very tired.  I woke up groggy and wasn’t sure what was happening for a while, but eventually things settled down.  I thought I’d better write you before I forget.

I do forget things.  For example, I don’t remember a lot of my life before they came to get me.  I remember bits and pieces but… well, I’ll save all that for another time.  I mostly remember the important things, things like chicken and some of my Ninja moves, but that’s another story.  Maybe it’s not so much that I forget as much as it is that I just don’t think of those times very often.



What I really want to do is thank you.  I know you took good care of me and that you work hard taking care of a lot of us (I watch the “Animal Planet” channel when they leave me alone and I’ve learned a lot) and well, I thought you would appreciate knowing where I am now.  First of all, let me just clarify that they don’t leave that channel on when they leave.  They actually don’t often leave me alone, but when they do they like to let me watch Nickelodeon.  I’m sure they think the animal station is too depressing, but I have learned how to use the remote.  Anyway, they are very nice people and say they love me.  I believe them.  I can tell by the way they take care of me, try to teach me and by the way they pet me.  The girl’s name is Tan (pronounced TAHN and short for Tanya apparently) and the guy’s name is Russ (short for Russ Grammie).

When I first went with them, I didn’t feel very well.  I was very tired and didn’t feel much like myself.  We were in a place called a hotel for a number of days until I was well enough to fly.  When I first arrived in New York though, I still didn’t feel very well.  They took me to a place called “the vet” and it turned out I had an infection and another infection too.  I had surgery and took medicine for my cough.  I hated wearing that cone but when it finally came off I was very excited.  They took me to another house (it turns out that they have three houses – well, one is a place called “mom’s”) and I met my sister Sadie.  She’s a black and white Aussie and we get along great!  She loves to play and knows EVERYTHING!  I generally listen to her and do what she says.  I figure that she knows what’s best.  The only time I really don’t listen to her at all is if I see a squirrel or if I am running toward my food bowl.  I’m just too distracted to listen to ANYONE then.  Although the Tan and Russ are trying to get me to listen to them NO MATTER WHAT.



They brought me to a school and I met a lady named Dottie.  She is in charge of my lessons but Tan and Russ are the ones who hold my leash.  They all think I get overly excited when I see squirrels and other dogs so they have me taking private lessons before they let me participate in a “class.”  I don’t really know what that is, but I’m sure I’ll find out soon.  I like other dogs, I just can hardly wait to get over to them and say “hi.”  Sometimes they just don’t get it.  I mean, there is a certain sense of urgency in greeting other dogs – and I have to sniff them and pee on something right away.  I have been slowing down though – and they seem to like that so I guess I’ll keep doing it.

I’ve learned a lot of words in their language too.  I know how to “sit” and how to “down.”  I also know “wait,” “shake,” “stay” and “go for a walk outside.”  When it’s time for “do you want some food” I run into “your crate” and sometimes I get a “bone” or a “toy.”  I know how to “go get it,” but squirrels are sometimes more interesting than finding the “ball.”  I don’t mind confessing that sometimes I forget the words and cheat.  If that happens I can either try guessing or just look at Sadie and copy her.  Like I said, she knows everything.

It’s starting to get cold here in New York, so Tan bought me a coat.  I like it.  It’s warm.  OH, and GUESS WHAT!  It snows here.  White stuff comes down from the sky and rests on the ground.  You can eat it AND run in it.  It’s amazing all the different things there are.  I really like the deer too, but they won’t let me get too close to them. 

                          

They are nice people.  You would like them.  They are something called “musicians.”  They work on shows, play music, and go to the studio.  I’ve been there.  It’s ok.  I like the lake house better and the woods, but I meet nice people everywhere and the guys in the studio give me plenty of “treats.”  I have “Graham-parents.”  Those are Russ’s mom and dad.  Tan’s mom is just called “Mom.”  She lives with a Joe and an Angela too when she’s home from a place called college.  Sometimes we stay at her house.  That’s always fun because there’s another dog there named Lexi.  She’s an Aussie like Sadie but much bigger and somewhat older.  She doesn’t like to play much but still gets excited sometimes.  OH!  I forgot to tell you that my Graham-parents have a BIRD!  Have you ever heard of such a thing!?  It lives in a cage right in the house!  I don’t really understand why I can’t chase it, but fine.

Anyway, things are going well for me.  They let me nap on the couch even though I have my own bed and a crate.  I curl up with Sadie sometimes and that’s nice.  I guess it doesn’t really matter if I remember everything about my old life anyway.  Like I said, I do remember the important things and I am quite happy with the way things are now.



Thanks for making sure I went to go live with nice people.  I was down on my luck a little when you last saw me.  Things are definitely looking up now.  Tan always smiles when I wag my tail so I’ve been doing it more and more.

Thanks again – for everything.

Sincerely,










Monday, December 19, 2011

Dear Santa... About the Cookies...


Dear Santa,

I am very grateful for all the gifts… and for all the people who give them… but…

Could you please spread the word that I DO NOT WANT anything with an abundance of calories this year?  The cookies, brownies, ice cream, pies, chocolates and the like… the problem is that I LOVE them.  I eat them.  I eat them all.  I absolutely cannot have them in the house without gobbling them up.  I have accepted that.  That is why I do not buy them anymore.  Somehow they find their way into the house anyway.



Why?  Why do people insist on trying to make me jiggle?  Is it a plot against me?  Are their joyous smiles when they give me the offending sweets, disguised glee at my impending untimely demise?  Do they KNOW how eating these things could RUIN my LIFE?  Follow me here for a minute…

First, my jeans get a little tight, but it’s nothing I can’t blame on the dryer.  I just rearrange my jeans drawer so that the tight ones are in the back.  Slowly however, I find that I must buy new ones when NONE of them seem to fit.  I think, “Is the clothes dryer really getting that hot?” as I mope off to the mall wondering how I’ll pay for a new dryer on top of all the new pants I will have to buy and curse the maker of dryers thinking that it is a very cruel trick getting the dryer to run so hot after only a few years (and just after the warranty runs out) that it shrinks your pants so that you will have to purchase a new appliance.

THEN once I get to the mall, I discover that there is ANOTHER conspiracy going on with the clothing designers!  They have changed the sizes of things.  Entire STORES are involved too.  The shops that used to be my favorites are the biggest offenders.  They only carry pencil thin jeans that supposedly are my size AND they are also making tops that have absolutely no allowance for any kind of a chest!  I have to hunt for a new favorite store.  What is happening in the world!?  Now I have to scour through racks trying to find something that fits and maybe isn’t too “old lady” looking.  It takes longer and longer to find something cool and even if I do, I can’t really be sure. 



I have to check a magazine or something…  The only ones with cool things with ANY degree of sophistication WHATSOEVER have garments that I love, but they cost THOUSANDS of dollars!  Fine.  I give up.  I go home and catch an episode of “What Not to Wear” and learn that I need five thousand dollars to buy a new wardrobe and that I can NEVER be on that show lest they throw away my entire closet and inform me brutally that I am “frumpy.”  Sadly, I open up the box of Girl Scout cookies in the freezer and eat a few, vowing to wake up early the next day and do a workout.

I don’t know HOW it is possible to waste an ENTIRE day procrastinating because I do NOT want to do a workout.  I mean, what is my problem anyway?  Are twitter trends and what my Facebook friends are finding on YouTube really that important?  (Hang on a sec, I have to go pour the hot water over the delicious gourmet hot chocolate which is the ONLY thing making me feel better about this.)  OK I’m back.

I haven’t showered yet because it is a waste of time to shower right before a workout – and I’m still going to do one today.  Wait a minute… is that clock right!?  I’d better shower because I have to get to the grocery store before it closes.  I guess I’ll do a workout out tomorrow.  I’ll buy fat free hot chocolate.

After trying a variety of low fat and sugar-free items, I decide that they taste terrible and that THAT was a complete waste of money.  Haven’t I spent enough on new pants and household appliances?  I vow to never do that again as I sit at home hungry because the only thing in the fridge tastes like cardboard.  I call the diner for some decent food.  The onion rings are delicious.



This cycle goes on and on until the doctor says that I had better start watching what I eat and I read online someone’s post about how they can eat all the cookies they want because it is not their JOB to be in shape.  It is only the job of public figures in the entertainment and music industry to be physically outstanding.  Oh crap.  I have to either fight this machine or just call it quits forever.

After giving it some thought, I realize that THIS is the reason why I am not a millionaire yet! – too many cookies and this dang conspiracy on the part of clothing designers, clothing stores and the makers of dryers.  Wait… a…minute…

Aren’t more and more entertainers and music industry icons becoming clothing designers???  (I think I am on to something)  They are trying to eliminate the competition!!!  This is probably the reason they are changing the sizes!  They are purposely trying to depress us independent artists!  They are probably in cahoots with the other companies too – and what about the glass ceiling?  Aren’t most of these companies run by men?  Are their sizes changing too?  I haven’t heard any similar complaints from Russ.  OMG!  It’s a front, perpetrated by “tha man,” to keep a sista ROUND!  I will start a movement – an uprising.  We will occupy… occupy what? – our plus-sized old lady pants with the elastic waistband?  No.

No.  I will NOT succumb to this madness.  It will start with the elimination of calorie-filled gifts and assurances that I “can afford” to eat that delectable cake with the melt-in-your-mouth caramel frosting.  I will resist.  I will throw away those boxes of cookies and tins of tasty treats with perfectly wrapped bows on top.  I will stop calling them “treats.”  They are now… um… “doo doos.”  I will say “thank doo” as I look into the smiling face of those who maybe aren’t out to get me so much as victims themselves of the biggest conspiracy in the history of the entertainment industry.  I know better now.  I will NOT feel guilty for wasting perfectly good calories as I pitch those pretty boxes and sprinkles into the dumpster.



Thanks for the talk Santa.

------------------------------
P.S.

My mom has informed me that the preceding blog may be offensive to little old ladies.  Please allow me to assure you all that I do not intend these comments to offend anyone.  I love little old ladies.  I plan on being one someday.  I may be one right now – and that would be fine.  “Sophia” on “The Golden Girls” was always my favorite and I oftentimes strive to be just like her.  What would she say?  Probably that I’m not one yet and so, “eh, don’t worry about it… I’d be more worried about that outfit you have on if I were you.”

It's too tight, it's too short and shows too much cleavage for a woman your age.” – from “Memorable Quotes for The Golden Girls” 
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088526/quotes

J xoxo