Love Deeper

Dave is gone. I had no idea. I last saw him at the beginning of September. He was at the front desk of the gym, gently teasing me about my workout as I was leaving for the day.

“Are you OK?” he laughed.

“No!” was my reply. “My legs feel like gummy worms!”

As director of training, he had set me up with my personal training sessions the previous week. He had also set me up with trainers years ago when I first joined that gym, but I had taken a break upon doctor’s orders during pregnancy. We both laughed and said quick goodbyes as I walked out the door. No one knew then that he had less than a week left to live. I didn’t know until this past week.

I had gone out of town shortly after that exchange and missed his passing and all the announcements. I had noticed his absence at the gym lately, but thought he must be working evening hours, or maybe on vacation. I finally asked about him on Saturday.

"Where's Dave? I haven't seen him in a while." 

The poor kid at the front desk hesitated awkwardly for a moment before telling me that he had died. It happened a couple of months ago. WHAT??? His obituary said it was an apparent heart attack. Anyone would tell you that Dave appeared to be in excellent physical condition. He was always giving new clients fitness assessments and was passionate about health and well-being as a lifestyle.

I stood there in disbelief for a few moments and stammered out a few questions before apologizing for the fog I was in, trying to process the information. I had just finished my workout and needed to stretch. Eventually, I drifted back to the personal training area and found a mat. With watery eyes I talked to Dave in my mind as I stretched. (How could I not have known? I was so sorry to have missed him...) I felt as if I could hear his voice speaking back to me as plain as day - as he always had. He was a source of lively charm at the gym. He would always smile and greet you enthusiastically, making you feel like family. Sometimes we would chat and philosophize. I had told him all about the baby and how physical therapy was going. He told me about the excellent results he was having with massage therapy for his shoulder and gave me the therapist's name and number. We spoke about the amazing mind/body connection and I noticed the book he was reading (An Interview with God, Woodrow Kroll). He inspired a lot of people there and they would all miss him.

I just couldn't believe he was gone. It felt as if he was standing right there, agreeing with me. He seemed his usual, smiling self in my mind's eye and he impressed upon me the significance of cherishing every moment. Of course he wouldn't want me to think of him and be sad. I envisioned him speaking very matter-of-factly, saying "This is how life is." It's just amazing how you can be here one moment - and be in Spirit the next. I kept talking to him periodically throughout the day. He's like "Angel Dave" to me now. It's going to take some getting used to.

I don't need condolences. I'm sure his family and those closest to him are feeling a sense of loss I can scarcely imagine. His absence has me contemplating how short our time here is though. It's made me want to talk to loved ones. He is inspiring me to have conversations and make visits that I've been putting off because I'm "too busy." Most of all... I want to pay more attention to those whose presence I take for granted. I want to live more fully and fearlessly. I'll prioritize the things that are important. I'll appreciate people around me. (There are so many beautiful people whom I adore... ) I will Love deeper. I will forgive quicker. I'll smile and laugh every chance I get. I will put my energy there - in that place of Joy and Love.

Time is valuable. I will spend it wisely.

Love you all.

Namaste,

T