SAD IS BAD... So Don't Ever Do It... (Really?)

SAD IS BAD.  So don't ever do it.

(Is she for real?)  

NO!!!  As I once heard Alan Arkin say, “I’m an actor.  I exaggerate.”

OK – here’s the deal this week… for whatever reason (I’m sure a combination of winter doldrums, stress, hormones and/or any one of the million life circumstances that currently surround me including a probable lack of vitamin D) this was a sort of melancholy week.  So what?

So I found myself wanting to post things like this…

“Disappointments are just God’s way of saying 

‘I’ve got something better’ 

Be Patient… Live Life… Have Faith.”

 –Lanette Sem

Accompanied by my own caption…

“Sitting here by the window, 

as I listen to the birds chirp from outside, 

for a moment… 

I thought I heard… 

Spring.  

And as I write a sad song, I’m reminded that 

the Promise awaits.”

I never posted it. 

Why?  I was afraid people would think I was sad and worry about me and then ask a ton of questions about it and then worry some more and then seem to be appeased but silently think that there was SOMETHING WRONG with me and somehow judge me for it. 

WHAT!??  Why?  Why is it not okay to feel a little blue sometimes?  Should we feel sad, then add guilt to the mix for feeling that way in the first place?  Silly.  How about if we just squish down our emotions into the deep recesses of our core and deny their existence until they finally manifest themselves in the form of an ulcer or some other ailment?  Is it just me, or is this equally as ridiculous?

I’m reminded of my studies in acting.  My favorite teacher impressed upon us that a lot of people go through life suppressing their emotions. This is understandably so a lot of the time.  We can't always go around spouting off whatever it is we feel at any given moment.  I mean, what if you told your boss how you REALLY feel at all times?  What if you never self-edit your emotions to your relatives, significant others or even random strangers?  (Remember that movie “Liar, Liar”?)  How many times have we heard, “Suck it up” or “Don’t let them see you cry” or tried to hide our true emotions for fear of what others might think – or been told we “shouldn't” feel a particular way?

My acting teacher then reminded us of one of the main reasons why we go to the movies, the theater or concerts.  Oftentimes, it's because it is OKAY TO FEEL there in those environments.  At the theater or at the concert hall, it is socially acceptable to FEEL.  We need that emotional release.  This is one major reason why the work that actors, musicians, writers, and artists do is so important – and why music and art in schools is invaluable.

Click here for “Music Is Art” – a not for profit organization in Buffalo, NY founded by Robby Takac of the Goo Goo Dolls. “MiA explores and reshapes music's cultural, social and educational impact on our community.” One of the many things they do is collect and donate instruments to area schools in need.

I am NOT SAYING it's okay to try and deal with serious or intense emotions or depression on your own – nor do I intend to make light of them.  Furthermore, if you think you or someone you know is depressed, you or they should seek professional medical attention.  (Sorry if this seems obvious.)

Click here for WebMD's “6 Common Depression Traps to Avoid”

I AM saying that there’s nothing wrong with allowing ourselves to genuinely feel an emotion.  Emotions inform us and guide us intuitively.  I say feel them.  Allow them.  Listen to them.  And what about understanding when someone else feels them?

As for me?  I listened to a couple of sad songs and cried a little, wrote one of my own, searched for (and found) some uplifting inspiration, talked to some friends, got on with the business of life, played with the dogs, went to church and feel better now.  :)

Also, I found this:

“Are you troubled and sad? I beseech you

Come out of the shadows of strife –

Come out in the sun while I teach you

The secret of life.

Come out of the world -

Come above it –

Up over its crosses and graves,

Though the green earth is fair and I love it,

We must love it as masters not slaves.”

- Ella Wheeler Wilcox

OK, I get it...  Don't be a slave to the sadness or troubles of this world...

OF COURSE NOT!  Now THAT really would be bad.

Namaste!

Much Love,

T

xoxo

The Ripple Effect…

Last week,  I heard a story about a kind deed.  A man offered another gentleman a ride because that gentleman's car had broken down.  As it turned out, the gesture was reminiscent of a similar act that gentleman had experienced years before, and brought back the memory of how a similar kind deed had led to massive positive changes in his life.

That one original random act of kindness had a ripple effect.  The beneficiary of the kind act (the man who received the ride from a complete stranger all those years ago) felt so overwhelmed with gratitude that he went out into the world trying to give back what had been given to him in kindness.  It transformed him from being a man struggling to keep his business afloat and make ends meet, into a man known for his kindness and generosity and who built his business upon those principles; and he eventually became a pillar in his community with a thriving business and admiration from all within it.  Here he was again, years later and in need of a ride – and another random stranger had given him one once more.

“We can do no great things, only small things with great love” 

– Mother Teresa

It occurred to me that we don’t have to be rich and famous to help people or to make an impact on the world.  We can all help a friend in need or smile at a complete stranger.  The possibilities are endless.  We can volunteer somewhere, make that donation we’ve been thinking about (even if it's just taking that old coat to the Salvation Army), take a few extra minutes to help a child with their homework, call that relative we’ve been meaning to reach out to, etc.  The impact that we have may be much larger than we even know.

“Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach. Any small, calm thing that one soul can do to help another soul, to assist some portion of this poor suffering world, will help immensely. It is not given to us to know which acts or by whom, will cause the critical mass to tip toward an enduring good.

What is needed for dramatic change is an accumulation of acts, adding, adding to, adding more, continuing. We know that it does not take everyone on Earth to bring justice and peace, but only a small, determined group who will not give up during the first, second, or hundredth gale.”

                            – Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Click here for Clarissa Pinkola Estes' “You Were Made for This” (complete essay)

Another recurring theme for me this week occurred when I kept hearing people talk about the need for self-nurturing and Love.  Alright...  Let's mash those up with a kind deed and together, they can create another sort of ripple effect…

We all know that we can't take care of others without first taking care of ourselves.  But also, when we take care of ourselves, we can cause a ripple effect that emanates from within.  Sometimes it seems easier to give than to receive.  But when we learn to graciously receive, we can be that much more inspired to “pass it on.”  When we nurture ourselves we are stronger, more at peace, more confident.  We may, in a split second, make one small decision that increases what we put out into the Universe in terms of positivity – and who knows, it may end up having a wonderful positive impact on someone else.  It happened to me today…

I’ve been working tirelessly on what seems to be our semi-annual migration to the big city (this time, it's back to the NYC area).  My WONDERFUL mother-in-law invited me to go to the nail spa with her and my AWESOME sister-in-law (and I am NOT just saying “wonderful” because she offered to treat us – God bless her! Nor am I saying “awesome” because she offered to give us her leather couch – God bless her too!).  Even though I had a TON of work to do, I thought it would be nice to take a little break and spend some time with them, as well as enjoy a little self pampering.  :)

On my way to meet them a woman approached me and asked if I knew of a taxi company in the area.  I was just getting into my car on the street after coming out of a bagel shop in a town that I was completely unfamiliar with.  I apologized and said no.  I honestly had no idea who to call.  I saw her disappointment, so I suggested she use “yelp.”  That’s what I would use to find one on my phone.  She didn’t have access on her phone.  As I got into my car I could hear her calling a friend trying to figure out her next move.  I could have (and might have) driven off just then, but I thought, “what the heck?  I could find her a cab company couldn’t I?”  I looked it up on my phone, rolled down the window and gave her the number.  She dialed but it didn’t seem to work.  Ok…  I gave her another number.  As she tried again and seemed to be having trouble, I just dialed from my phone and handed it to her when I had the taxi company on the line.  She ordered her car and handed the phone back to me with a smile on her face from ear to ear.  She was glowing with appreciation.  I smiled too… it felt good. 

What if we all just committed some random act of kindness this week?  Even if it's just something that seems small?  How about if it's even just some self-nurturing or Loving thing for yourself?  (I can think of a few mothers I know who admit that they wouldn’t even have the slightest idea WHAT they would want to do for themselves if they had a free hour).  And why NOT start with yourself?  Your own happiness can most definitely start a ripple effect…

Why not do something for yourself, then go out into the world and SHINE and PASS IT ON!

Namaste! xoxo

Danielle, Me and Mom-Graham at the nail spa...

Love That Lemonade...

The idea of making lemonade from lemons has surfaced from numerous sources this week.

There was of course the bitterly severe weather and the challenges it posed.  But then there was also the spirit of community and brotherly love it fostered when teams of people pulled together to shovel driveways and push cars and when families cooked at home and spent time with each other indoors. 

Angela and me shoveling after the blizzard...

My homemade seafood gumbo...

There are often lemons in the challenges we face together and individually in our life circumstance that can make us feel less than fortunate.  What ALWAYS follows that particular circumstance will be whatever WE MAKE of that situation.  I was clearly reminded of that truth watching Jennifer Hudson win The People’s Choice Award for Favorite Humanitarian. 

click here for Jennifer Hudson article - "Jennifer Hudson Breaks Down In Tears Accepting Humanitarian Award For Charity Established After Family Tragedy"

As we all search to find our way and try to make sense out of so many different challenging circumstances, I’m reminded…

Perspective is everything.  We can move from “Damn it!  I only ever win a dollar on these lottery tickets!” to “Hey!  I won something!” with a little bit of gratitude.  Even in severe circumstances, we can create something beautiful from what might initially seem hopeless. 

Isn’t it amazing how we can take ANY given circumstance and choose to make something wonderful from it?  Our RESPONSE is what holds the key.  We can respond to anything with love, kindness and understanding.  We can certainly choose gratitude as a state of mind –and from THAT can grow the most precious and powerful inspirations. 

Artwork that hangs in Angela's room...

I’ll drink to that!  LOVE that lemonade! 

From the photo shoot I just had in my kitchen with four lemons, water, ice and a tall glass...

Inspirational selection from Ella Wheeler Wilcox:

“Not long ago there was a great trotting-race at Brighton Beach.  The blind conqueror “Rhythmic” won five consecutive races.

Think of it!  He did not, like a mortal man, shrink back and say “I am blind –that is a terrible destiny –I am cursed by God –I will not try to win the race.”  He just trusted the hand of the Master at the reins, did his best, and won the honors of the season.

We are all blind racers at the track of earth.  The king, the millionaire, the statesman, the lawmaker, the beggar, the laborer, the cripple, we are all in the dark.  The only thing is to trust the hand of the Master, and do our best.

Believe your position is the right starting point for you, merely the starting point.

It is the shapeless block of stone from which you are to fashion the perfect statue.

Or it is the mere mud from which you are to mold the clay image, and later that is to be put into enduring marble.

What is uglier or more unattractive than mud?

Yet think of the glorious conceptions which it imprisons.

Take the mud of your present environment and thank God for it, and make the image of the future you desire.

You can do it –you must do it –you will do it.”

 –Ella Wheeler Wilcox, “The Heart of New Thought” (1903)