Notes to Self: January 2021

Sunday, January 24, 2021

Mom Voice

There's a whole heap of hate going on. People on the SAME SIDE of issues that really matter are actually hating on each other.

KNOCK IT OFF!

Let me know if that worked, will you? Thanks.

Love,

Sunday, January 17, 2021

How to Lose

Try playing a competitive game with a preschooler sometime... and winning. (Anybody cringing yet?) Enter the "cooperative game" trend... the games where participants work together and everybody wins.

While I can see how the benefits of these games include things like increased confidence, sharing skills and kindness skills (especially for young or developmentally challenged children), and I certainly appreciate the value of these skills, it's easy to understand how a lack of competitive games might leave deficiencies in other valuable areas.

Look at the world. Then look at my living room. The boy did not get his way. He had a hard time with that.

*pauses here to reflect on how ridiculous it is that the President of the United States resembles a preschooler*

We were playing the new game Zachary just received - Robot Turtles. He won the first game. He actually would have won the second also, but he wanted an extra turn and started arguing with me about the rules. A whole new set of skills to learn came into view. Things do not always go the way you want them to, and children have to learn that THAT is ok. Games teach so much more than the counting, patience and turn-taking that goes along with the particular game (in this case, Robot Turtles "introduces basic coding concepts"). What about learning the resilience, behavior management and empathy inherent in the act of competing itself? Zachary and I explored the concepts (age appropriately) of accepting consequences, being a good sport and congratulating someone who wins, even when we lose. If we don't learn these things as children, how will we manage the circumstance as adults? We don't always win, and that's ok.

I remember trying out for cheerleading in grade school and when our principal found out that only some of us had been chosen, she insisted that everyone who tried out be accepted on to the team. LOL! We were the absolute WORST! Our coach could be seen in the stands at competitions with her head in her hands, but we had a blast. We lost all the time, and laughed our butts off doing it. I've often reflected on that with pride. We helped those who were less inclined to simultaneously clap and stomp their feet like they were supposed to, and we rocked out having fun, with less pressure to be perfect. At the same time there were other competitions. There were the basketball and track teams. There were times when I could be proud that I practiced, worked hard, got better and won because of it. There were times when I gave it my all and still did not come in first. It was ok because the journey was filled with precious moments, lessons learned and meaningful friendships.

Ravens fans have congratulated me this week (Buffalo Bills fan here) and it truly felt special. One comment I saw online was from someone who noticed an outpouring of concern from Bills fans for opposing player Lamar Jackson, who suffered a concussion in Saturday's game. They were proud to be friends with the kind of people who show support like that for the other team. It struck me that it didn't seem to be the norm for them.

When the process is fair... we can win and lose with honor and humility. Praying for everyone's health and safety this week... Congratulations to our new president and vice president!

Love,

The following references helped inspire this blog post:

goodplayguide.com "Are competitive sports doing more harm than good to children's mental health?"

cooperativegames.com "Benefits of Cooperative Games for Young Children"

sciencedirectassets.com "The Effects of Cooperative and Competitive Games on Classroom Interaction Frequencies"

babywisemom.com "Why I Hate the Concept of Everyone Wins"