Church on Time

I was disappointed when Russ had to work early on Sunday. I had been planning on going to church and looking forward to it after my Saturday plans had completely fallen apart. If you read my last blog, you're familiar with my routine and understand why the thought of taking "little man" out to church by myself was so daunting, I didn't even consider it as an option. It was my mother who suggested I take him after I complained about not being able to go.

I hadn't attempted to take him out by myself yet. There are the dogs to take outside and get settled beforehand. There is the fact I have to carry him and the car seat down the stairs (I am currently in physical therapy for an abdominal condition/injury as a result of pregnancy), and the idea of getting myself, him, and the diaper bag ready all at once is pretty overwhelming.

I'd have to sit near the back of the church. I'd have to sit on the end. I'd have to get there early and be prepared to get up and leave quickly if he started screaming (he does that sometimes when he's wet).
I managed to shower, dress, change him, dress him and get the dogs squared away. I checked the time.  There was 15 minutes left to get to the church - away we went.

He started to fuss in the car when we were still a block away and I said out loud, "This is not a good sign. We're not even there yet." I started to sing:

"Gets me to the church on time, 

(church on time) terrifies me

(church on time) makes me party

(church on time) puts my trust in God and man..." (From David Bowie's Modern Love)

He settled down and we even got there in time! To my amazement he sat quietly all the way through the mass (even after the Gospel when I knew he had dirtied his diaper). The priest Blessed him when I brought him up to communion with me.

I had been fairly self conscious the whole time. I didn't notice any other infants there. It was a new church I'd only been to a few times. Maybe they didn't bring babies here. No one seemed to be giving me odd looks. I didn't want to shake hands during the Sign of Peace because I had to keep my hands sanitized in order to keep putting his pacifier back in his mouth and the lady behind me kept coughing. What would people think of me when I just nodded and said "Peace be with you" instead of extending my hand? He was seated in his carseat in the aisle next to me and I wondered if people would judge me for that. Maybe there was some section for children that I was clearly not in. The funny thing is that the Gospel and Homily were all about not judging a book by its cover. (Smile) The priest told this story about an Indian king who was snubbed at a Rolls Royce dealership while dressed in plain clothes and his reaction, and he encouraged us all to better manage our blindspots:

Click here for story: "Indian King Snubbed at Rolls Royce..."

After mass, a lady came up to me and asked if I needed a ride home. I said, "No, that's ok - we drove." She said she had noticed the baby all bundled up and that I had a backpack and thought I might have walked. I explained, "No, it's just the first time that I'm bringing him anywhere by myself and so I brought everything." She smiled. She had three boys of her own and by the third one, she "only brought the bare minimum of essentials." Too funny! I was all worried about what people would think, the Homily's message was all about not judging, and the nice lady asked if I needed a ride.

It's true. We all do it. What if instead of judging, we ask questions (like the nice lady after church). What if we get to know other instead of just going with our assumptions?

OK. Will do.

Namaste, 

T

The Mommy Identity

I can't keep up. When did the world start moving past me at 160 miles per hour? I can speak with almost everyone I know in a matter of seconds online. Everyone has their own news feeds that I can't possibly keep up with. I start the day with the best of intentions to accomplish all kinds of things and with a "get up and go" attitude, then I just have to change a diaper real quick...

Then I have to change his clothes because he leaked. Then I have to throw in a load of laundry because he's almost out of sleepers. Then I have to just entertain him for a little while as long as he's up and about. When he starts to get fussy, I realize he's hungry. As I'm feeding him, he dirties his diaper again. I have to hold him upright for a while though, or else he'll spit up. I change him again when I think enough time has passed, but as soon as I get him all cleaned up he spits up all over his clean clothes and mine. Alright. I change him again and grab a fresh outfit from the dryer. I flip the laundry while I'm at it. I get him all cleaned up again and he finally settles in for a nap.

The dogs have to go out. The sink is full of dishes. I haven't peed or eaten anything in hours. The garbage is full. There are dirty tissues and blankets all over from his "spitties" and "wetties." They all have to go in the washer - but wait. I'll shower quickly first before he wakes up. I have to get out of the shower twice all dripping wet and sudsy to put his pacifier back in his mouth because it fell out and he started screaming about it. (Last week the toilet also got clogged up and I thought I might have a nervous breakdown as a result!)

When all of THOSE tasks are accomplished, I can't even remember what it was that I actually wanted to get done for the day and it doesn't matter because I need to take a nap while he is still asleep. The moment my head hits the pillow, he wakes up crying because he's wet and we start the whole routine over again because I am living in the movie "Goundhog Day."

Then it's blog day (SMH) and I seriously consider not doing it.

Last week Russ was working at home for a few days so I went grocery shopping. I got a new app for recipes and bought the ingredients to make a couple of things. While waiting in the check out line a Woman's Day magazine caught my eye and I threw it on my grocery pile.

When I got home the food had to be put away, the baby was crying and the dogs had to go out. As we were divvying up the tasks (thank GOD for Russ) I said, "I got a new recipe app. I'm going to make stuff. This is what I do now. I'm a happy homemaker."

Russ: "You're a happy homemaker?"

Tan: "Well, I'm not exactly happy, but I DID buy a Woman's Day magazine and THAT'S gotta count for something."

What's my point? #MOMMYIDENTITYCRISIS!!! LOL (And I AM happy about mommy life, just exhausted.) :)

I've talked to several people over the last few weeks who have tried to compartmentalize their life and social media postings. Some have separate sites for their "mommy" things, as opposed to their personal things. One had a separate page for her weight loss journey. They all ended up consolidating or combining sites in an effort to save time and sanity.

I guess my point is that while I'm not going to turn this into a "mommy" blog, the genuine aspects of my life include this now and I haven't completely figured out how everything is going to blend together here. While I haven't talked to a lot of people about what I've been up to lately, those that I have spoken with in depth have expressed an appreciation for me sharing experiences that they could relate to. I know that I have to be myself. I'm going to have to include this new (AND MAJOR) aspect of my life here while trying to hang onto my own individuality at the same time. I know everyone deals with this kind of identity adaptation when they become parents or go through some other type of significant life change too. All we can do is be honest and keep going. :)

Love you all. Thanks for listening. xo

Namaste,
T

Distance Learning

Isn't this a fascinating world!?

An Earth pic might have been better, but that would've required me standing on the moon with my zoom lens - LOL.

Here we all are, trying to journey along... and here are all these cultures, religions, customs, theories, practices, philosophies, etc. - all tools for us to use to gain higher understanding... #FASCINATING!

I WANT TO LEARN MORE!

Click here for "List of religions and spiritual traditions" on Wikipedia

Click here for hayhouse.com and its wealth of books, authors and information

I suppose this line of thought was inspired by meeting new people, talking with old friends, learning about far away places, hearing inspirational stories on Facebook, and listening to other people's perspectives. It's amazing what we can learn in a click! What's more, in sharing things that I've learned, I've met MORE people and uncovered MORE things in common with those I already know! This seems so simple, but I'm excited about it. :) It's heartwarming to feel connected.

Bette Midler "From A Distance"

Have an illuminating week!

Namaste,
T

#GoTheDistance :) 

 Remember this? From Field of Dreams...

A Bigger Dream

This was the recurring theme all week: faith, acceptance, belief. It came up over and over again in different conversations with different people. I was reminded of one of my favorite Oprah clips.

Here's to a faith-filled week.

Namaste,
T