Playing with Fire

Really?  I'm going to write about "playing with fire" on a day when the tri-state area (and entire northeastern seaboard for that matter) is expecting the worst snowstorm in... EVER... to blanket the area causing widespread power outages and a general state of panic among residents?  Yes.  Yes I am.

Last week I played with fire.  I pushed myself too hard and I paid for it.  I tried to do the impossible and I got burned.  This past week was all about healing from that experience and taking away a lesson from it.  I know where I went wrong.  I didn't want to let go of anything.

After attending two shows in Buffalo that I really did not want to miss, I had to drive all night to get back to the NYC area in order to make a Monday morning appointment.  I finally slept for a few hours on Monday afternoon, but then kept on working until 2am.  Tuesday, I ended up in the doctor's office with a sore throat.

Fine.  It was time to slow down and rest.  I took my antibiotics and settled in for the healing process.  I had plenty of time to reflect on how my unwillingness to let go of anything had made me sick, and how that can happen.  I refused to miss those shows and I also refused to miss my appointment four hundred miles away.  I knew I was past the breaking point and still I kept pushing to get things accomplished and make deadlines that I had set for myself.  I did not listen to my better judgement.  I felt absolutely lousy and knew I had done it to myself.  I actually apologized for it to the doctor when he walked in.  "I did this to myself - sorry" I said, as he frowned at me questioningly.

I think that we all do this to ourselves, to varying degrees, more than we realize.  In my case last week it was obvious, but sometimes it's not that plain to see.  What about when we don't let go of things and the consequences are not so bad?  In what other ways do we allow toxins to slowly seep into our lives?  When else do we smack down the voice of our better judgment?  How does the fact that we do those things contribute to our overall health and well being?  Could we be making ourselves sick this way, but slowly and almost imperceptibly?  Is complacency our biggest enemy?  What do we put up with, instead of letting go of, that could be contributing to making us sick - or at the very least, contributing to us not living up to our full potential?  What attitudes do we hold on to that might be, in reality, holding us back?  In what other ways do we sabotage ourselves, or play with fire?

click here to learn more about Louise Hay, author of "You Can Heal Your Life" and her amazing accomplishments

click here to learn more about Dr. Wayne Dyer, author of "Change Your Thoughts - Change Your Life" and his amazing accomplishments

What about toxic relationships? (Ding, ding, ding - the number one answer on the board.)  Does a toxic work environment exist? (LOL - the number two answer.)  How about when we don't stand up for ourselves or speak up for ourselves?  How often do we look the other way when we see injustice?  What about fear in general?  To what thing do we give away our power by remaining complacent?  (Serious questions.)  What are we so afraid of that we allow these various poisons to creep into our field of energy?  What forces are so strong within us, that we allow them to drown out the voice of our better judgment?  Why DO we allow that?  Can we change that habit?

click here for OM Times article: "When to Break Up: Relationship Advice"

Later in the week, I cancelled several activities in favor of restoring my health.  I put everything else aside and listened to my own better judgement.  I am now almost completely restored, but still taking it easy.

Maybe now is a good time to take a closer look at other fires I might be playing with - things that may make me sick, or otherwise hold me back - even if they don't burn me right away.

"Indifference may not wreck a man's life at any one turn, 

but it will destroy him with a kind of dry-rot in the long run."

- Bliss Carman

Namaste,
T

The Balance Beam

"Do not dwell in the past, 

do not dream of the future, 

concentrate the mind on the present moment."

- adaptation of a Buddhist concept

As an exercise, I've been meditating and making a conscious effort to release all that which no longer serves.  I realize that sometimes this includes releasing the thoughts of yesterday.  My intention in doing so is to open my mind.  I don't want to close myself off to new ideas by holding too tightly to the old ones.  I've felt good about doing this - about saying to myself, "I release the thoughts of yesterday."

These last few weeks though, I've been immersed in memories of the past.  I've seen so many people whom I haven't seen in ages.  I've had the chance to spend quality time with people whom I love, who were major influences on me.  I've loved walking down memory lane and revisiting old friends, band members and stomping grounds.

I know that things do not - and can not - remain exactly the same.  I know that it is by moving forward that we find our way back home (a place of peace and serenity).  I also know how much I love and appreciate all of my past experiences and how they all continue to influence my future. 

Clip from The Lion King about "the past":

This week, I will try to balance the beautiful memories of the past with the adventurous spirit of embracing the future.  If my meditation thought had been to "release the thoughts of yesterday," then I have adapted it a little.  I don't want to release all the memories.  I want to be able to visit them with love.  I'll choose to let them inform me.  I'll look back in order to understand myself and my journey better.  Then I'll be better prepared to embrace the future because of them.  

The above quote doesn't advise to forget the past, just not to dwell.  And I WILL allow myself to dream of the future, but I won't get too attached to any ideas of how it will go.  I will live in the present moment, but I won't allow it to eclipse my appreciation for past or future.  One will not exist to the exclusion of the others.  All are true.

"Let go of the past, let go of the future.  

Let go of the present.  

Having gone beyond becoming, 

with mind completely freed, 

you will never again come to birth and aging."

- literal translation of Buddhist verse

I will appreciate each moment.  I can do that while still cherishing the memories of the past and the new frontier of the future as well.  I won't get too lost in the past, too obsessed with the future or blinded by the present moment.

Balance.  That will be the "new" thought of meditation this week.  :)

Namaste,

T

"Gallage" (me, Sharon and Sandra) - from back in the day

Gallage (Sharon, me and Sandra from this past Saturday

Gallage (Sharon, me and Sandra) from this past Saturday

The Lance Effect...

The show must go on.

Buffalo lost a musical legend on Jan 4th, 2015.  There was a wonderful and moving tribute concert, then a funeral celebration of the life of Lance Diamond, both at Kleinhans Music Hall in Buffalo this past weekend.  After those events, continuing on with the business of regular life and doing a video shoot for one of the NYC bands I work with seems like a most lonely affair.

Lance's picture on display at Kleinhans

Over the last week, there were many conversations with old friends and heart-warming stories about one of the best entertainers that I have ever had the privilege to know.  We remembered a consummate performer, a true friend, and a beautiful soul.  A group of us went in the studio and finished up one of Lance's unfinished original songs to be played at his tribute concert.  A whole community of Buffalo musicians played their instruments and sang their hearts out for him at the tribute.  People who knew him best got up and shared their heartfelt stories.  City and county officials read proclamations and declared Lance Diamond Day in the city of Buffalo and the county of Erie.  The Goo Goo Dolls gave an emotional performance of their hit song "Name" - a song they first played for Lance, who said it would change their lives.  During the tribute, Lance's hat and scarf sat on a stool behind a microphone and stand meant for him, and remained there at center stage the whole time.  At his sister's request, the whole audience stood and gave him one last standing ovation.  I felt so blessed to be among this family.  I could write forever about all of the beautiful old memories and about the new memories we created this past week.

So many incredible moments stand out.  Lance affected everyone he knew, and everyone who saw his shows, in amazing ways - and that's a lot of people.  I heard someone on the news say, "If you don't know Lance Diamond, you're not from Buffalo."  I believe, as do many others, that Buffalo itself would indeed be a different place if it had not had the distinct honor of counting among its residents the beautiful spirit and person of our friend, Lance Diamond.  In the music community of Buffalo, we are like a big family - one that I cherish dearly - and he was like the Godfather of us all.

with Juanita Simmons and Sandra Toussaint backstage at the Kleinhans tribute concert

After the concert with Dolly Dee, Joey Diggs and Caitlin Koch

After the concert with Russ and Shawn McQuiller (of Kool & the Gang)

Click here to see a photo gallery of Lance Diamond - from The Buffalo News

It's hard to pick one moment to note here from this past week - they all come flooding back.  There is a specific one though, that I will try to hold on to forever.  Someone (many people actually) remembered a time when Lance was the guy they turned to when they could turn to no one else.  Lance had been there for them - without questions or judgements - as a true friend.  I remembered a time when I turned to him also.  I brightened at the thought that THAT was what I should do now, reach inside and find my "inner Lance" when someone needs a friend.  When someone needs a friend, I should be there - like Lance was for so many of us.  I am going to do just that and call it "the Lance effect."

I will remember that this week, and this year and hopefully for the rest of my life.

Russ and me with Lance - at one of his shows

As Lance would say, "The show must go on."  So I am off to my video shoot.  I will entertain and sing and do the best job that I can (another thing Lance would do, and that he would insist that I do too).

Last page of the tribute program

Thank you Lance - for teaching us all so much, for bringing us all together, for showing us all how it's done and for everything you've done to make us all better for having known you.

You are in my heart forever - and with that spark there, I will shine bright as the sun.  The show must go on.  I carry you with me.

Namaste,
T

Remembering Lance...

This blog remains quiet this week.  I ask that you join me in a moment of remembrance of one of Buffalo's most beautiful Angels, Lance Diamond.

The world lost a most precious jewel this week.  To me, Lance seemed like a Godfather for all of us who are singers.  I loved him so.  I will miss him so.

Today, he dances and sings with a choir of Angels.

Be well Lance.  Until we meet again... Love you.

click here for WGRZ.com's article "Local singer Lance Diamond has died"

click here for Lance Diamond on Wikipedia

Comfort, Strength and Faith be with your family and all those who love you.
Amen